Tuesday, December 19, 2006

I'm Just a Little Black Raincloud...

(just a warning...being as I'm bored, and alone, with nothing to do but dick around online and think...expect multiple rambling posts)

I just talked to some friends, and read some blogs, and I realized something. After vacations back home, when cadets go back to school, we're on a high. People had fun, acted like civilians for a while, and otherwise forgot about the stress and craziness that is West Point. Unless you're me. For the past four years, quite often, coming home has been as stressful, if not more so, than when I am at school. Sometimes, it's been tragic (deaths, marraiges, divorces, etc.) and other times, it's been happy stress (births, baptisms, etc), but I can really only think of one or two times where I came home and returned to school relaxed.

This means, in general, when I go back to school, I'm stressed, and happy to see all my friends. My friends, on the other hand, are relaxed, and while they may be "happy" to see me, it's less enthusiastic as they'd really rather be home again.

It makes for an awkward time. My friends say very excitedly, "How was home man?!" In the same way most people say, "How's it going?" when they really don't want to know, but simply want to verify that you are doing as well as they are and they can continue feeling good about themselves. And then I am put in the position of pretending I am feeling like them (relaxed and coming off the best vacation ever) or, explaining that I'm pretty stressed and going home really wasn't all that great an experience...and killing thier buzz.

Yeah...it's good when you know you're going to be the black cloud at the picnic. It gives you time to prepare to fake the funk. And I think of Wilco...
How to fight loneliness
Smile all the time
Shine your teeth to meaningless
And sharpen them with lies
And whatever is going down
Will you follow around
That's how you fight loneliness
You laugh at every joke
Drag your blanket blindly
Fill your heart with smoke
And the first thing that you want
Will be the last thing you'll ever need
That's how you fight it
Just smile all the time


Blogger Michael said...

It's funny, but while I do come back from home very relaxed, I also really want to see all my friends and hang out with as many people as possible. The whole "how was your vacation" thing also grates on my nerves - it's just way too obvious that most people don't really care, and are just saying it as a greeting, like you said. I prefer the people who actually want to sit down and talk about it, and hear about what happened. Oh well, I guess you and I just have a different take from most other people.

1:22 PM  

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