Internet drama and flame wars...
I've been "online" (ie. I've had an internet presence in social networking and/or blogs) for about seven years now. I believe freshman year is when I first started, maybe on Friendster. Over the years, I've met some good friends, I've read some interesting things and I've had a lot of fun.
However, I'm not vacuous enough to think that my online persona is a real person. It's a part of me, a small part, that you (my loyal fans) get to read/see. It's what I allow you to see.
The problem with this is twofold. First, there are people who think e-life is "real". It is not. Second, people fill in the blanks with what they hope is true, or fear is true, but don't know what IS true.
I shall elaborate:
Many years ago, I started a support group for people in the military going through various issues. It was just a network, that was it. Kind of akin to inviting everyone over to my house from the Army who I knew had lost a parent, but instead of my house, we had an internet space. That group grew to a few hundred and, because my face was on the "moderator" part of the group, people would "friend" me. That was all fine and dandy until people started to think we were really "friends". They would confide in me, things I didn't need to, and sometimes shouldn't, know. They would come to me for advice, personal and professional. They would be offended or happy if I did or didn't write. Their lives, it seemed, weren't augmented by the internet...they WERE the internet.
Likewise, now on Facebook, I delete people at random. Why? Because I feel like it. I don't want 1000 friends. I want...however many friends I know and see on the daily, or, at least, talk to on the daily. Why? Because I'm not delusional. If I'm sitting at home for days on end with nothing to do because I'm alone here in Sierra Vista, what good does it do me to have 1000 friends? None.
"But," you ask, "we are close! We can go months without talking and pick up right from where we left off, we are REAL friends!" This, you see, is possibly true. But that doesn't mean I want to know where you went to lunch, what time you went to sleep, what workout you did, who you saw on the subway etc. etc. So...deleted. Does this mean I don't like you as a person? Is it a value judgement? No. It means that while I like you as a person, I don't find your internet persona adds anything to my life.
Now we get to the second part. Where people who know me only from the internet develop feelings, positive or negative, about me as a "person". This normally takes the form of too long email exchanges with people I've never actually met, or flame wars with people I've never met either. In these situations, emotions get high (normally on the other side since, as I've stated, I'm pretty emotionally detached from the internet as an ACTUAL identity). It is entirely too easy to fall in love, or hate, or disdain or awe for someone whom you really don't know.
That being said, this rant is over.
Remember people, the internet is NOT real life. Your online friends AREN'T real friends. Your real friends are real, and if you're lucky enough for them to be online, good on you, but don't confuse the two. For those of you with whom I am a REAL friend and a REAL person, I look forward to seeing you as soon as possible, even if (but hopefully not) that is after years and years of internet and phone silence. We will get together, swig a beer and toast to the intervening years and the future to come.
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Ha ha...purposely timed email as addendum (names redacted). Seriously...I just got this in the email:
Imagine my surprise when I searched your name in my friends and couldn't find you. Don't preach to me about bullshit like facebook etiquette. But rude is rude- online or in the flesh. I looked through our mutual friends and there is NO way you talk to all of them on a monthly basis. That's bullshit and you know it. I have plenty of friends on facebook that I don't talk to but I know they check out my page so it doesn't bother me. All of my close friends are also my friends on facebook though so I can always easily check up on where they are and how they are doing without being intrusive.
Anyways, forget it. I shouldn't have said anything as soon as I realized you deleted me. In fact, I wish i hadn't searched for you in the first place.
However, I'm not vacuous enough to think that my online persona is a real person. It's a part of me, a small part, that you (my loyal fans) get to read/see. It's what I allow you to see.
The problem with this is twofold. First, there are people who think e-life is "real". It is not. Second, people fill in the blanks with what they hope is true, or fear is true, but don't know what IS true.
I shall elaborate:
Many years ago, I started a support group for people in the military going through various issues. It was just a network, that was it. Kind of akin to inviting everyone over to my house from the Army who I knew had lost a parent, but instead of my house, we had an internet space. That group grew to a few hundred and, because my face was on the "moderator" part of the group, people would "friend" me. That was all fine and dandy until people started to think we were really "friends". They would confide in me, things I didn't need to, and sometimes shouldn't, know. They would come to me for advice, personal and professional. They would be offended or happy if I did or didn't write. Their lives, it seemed, weren't augmented by the internet...they WERE the internet.
Likewise, now on Facebook, I delete people at random. Why? Because I feel like it. I don't want 1000 friends. I want...however many friends I know and see on the daily, or, at least, talk to on the daily. Why? Because I'm not delusional. If I'm sitting at home for days on end with nothing to do because I'm alone here in Sierra Vista, what good does it do me to have 1000 friends? None.
"But," you ask, "we are close! We can go months without talking and pick up right from where we left off, we are REAL friends!" This, you see, is possibly true. But that doesn't mean I want to know where you went to lunch, what time you went to sleep, what workout you did, who you saw on the subway etc. etc. So...deleted. Does this mean I don't like you as a person? Is it a value judgement? No. It means that while I like you as a person, I don't find your internet persona adds anything to my life.
Now we get to the second part. Where people who know me only from the internet develop feelings, positive or negative, about me as a "person". This normally takes the form of too long email exchanges with people I've never actually met, or flame wars with people I've never met either. In these situations, emotions get high (normally on the other side since, as I've stated, I'm pretty emotionally detached from the internet as an ACTUAL identity). It is entirely too easy to fall in love, or hate, or disdain or awe for someone whom you really don't know.
That being said, this rant is over.
Remember people, the internet is NOT real life. Your online friends AREN'T real friends. Your real friends are real, and if you're lucky enough for them to be online, good on you, but don't confuse the two. For those of you with whom I am a REAL friend and a REAL person, I look forward to seeing you as soon as possible, even if (but hopefully not) that is after years and years of internet and phone silence. We will get together, swig a beer and toast to the intervening years and the future to come.
---------------------------------
Ha ha...purposely timed email as addendum (names redacted). Seriously...I just got this in the email:
Imagine my surprise when I searched your name in my friends and couldn't find you. Don't preach to me about bullshit like facebook etiquette. But rude is rude- online or in the flesh. I looked through our mutual friends and there is NO way you talk to all of them on a monthly basis. That's bullshit and you know it. I have plenty of friends on facebook that I don't talk to but I know they check out my page so it doesn't bother me. All of my close friends are also my friends on facebook though so I can always easily check up on where they are and how they are doing without being intrusive.
Anyways, forget it. I shouldn't have said anything as soon as I realized you deleted me. In fact, I wish i hadn't searched for you in the first place.
posted by Adam at 2:05 PM
2 Comments:
You say you delete people at random? I'm much more practical about it. I.E. Just because I was friends with you in high school doesn't mean I need to see your small minded posts and ignorant point of views. :-)
Crap. I better stay interesting... if I discover you delete me I'm going to have a complete break down. I mean it Adam. I have a flare for the dramatic! I should probably go back to work now helping REAL people. YIKES!
ha ha, Veronica, I don't randomly delete people, but I do delete people at random times. As in...I'll come home on a Tuesday after work and think, "hmm...time to delete some people" but the reasoning behind whom isn't random.
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