Saturday, August 20, 2011

gay is not a diminutive form of straight...

People (like Rick Santorum) who simultaneously say that they "don't hate gays" and/or "respect our decision" but don't support our rights need to face the reality/cognitive dissonance that position puts them in to hold.  Simply put, no one knows better what is real for me than me. I was not: abused as a child, abandoned by my father, coddled by my mother, affected by in utero-drug use, exposed to sex at a young age or any of the many other things that people who AREN'T gay often peg homosexuality upon.

When straight people tell me, things like, "I love you, and support your decision, but we can disagree about this." they are, simply put, wrong. We cannot "disagree about this" if you really love me. Sure, that may sound harsh, but let's examine this in the reverse--

Imagine you were getting married and I told you, "I'm so happy for you." and followed that up with 1. voting against your right to be married 2. donating money to politicians who want to stop you from having children and 3. saying things like, "I support your decision to be straight, but we can disagree about that." where "that" means your being straight to begin with, that means you think my relationship, my love, is either delusional or something "less" than what you have.

It's a fairly simple concept to grasp.  It is, in fact, so simple that it's almost hard to articulate. It's as easy to understand as the need to breathe air or drink water--it's a fact of life.  A persons sexuality simply IS. It's how I was born, it's part of who I am inasmuch as being brown-skinned and dark-haired is. I cannot change it. I did not choose it.  It is not a diminutive version of "normal" or just some "valid choice" it simply IS who I AM.

I know some of you are probably sick of having to read this so often lately, or my political posts about such, and I'm sorry for that. But, the reality is that for those of us who are in this position, it matters not how much love and support I get from friends and family, we are still not equal.

So, therein is the challenge. I'm throwing down the gauntlet. No more conflict, no more speaking out of both sides of your mouth. Either you do, or do not, believe that I am equal with you. If you do not, say so and hold true to that. Tell me "I'm sorry...I'm not happy for you. Your relationship is not just a joke, but a dangerous and self-destructive thing, and I cannot be happy for you." or say, "Congratulations." and stand with us and fight for us.  Why? Because it's the right thing to do.

The issue of equality is too simple, too black and white and too important for me to continue to be as invisible as I have been. Let's settle it now and move on.


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