Friday, March 11, 2011

why hello random train...sure I'll take a ride...

This is a random post, but I have some time because I came into work early (yeah, I'm a bad-ass terrorist fighting mo-fo with the work ethic of a horse!...or, I forgot to turn in my slides yesterday and had to be sure to get them in before 9...but either way)...

I got my teeth cleaned yesterday and had them write a referral to get my wisdom teeth removed. I figured they don't bother me, but might as well do it now while I have free dental care. The doctor mentioned not once, but thrice, that it was "harder to recovery now that [I'm] older." I'm not sure why he felt the need to mention that so often...are wisdom teeth harder to lose than appendixes (or is it appendices?)

The woman who cleaned my teeth remarked that my gums were better than most, but that I brush too hard so they are receding on the back of my bottom front teeth. Here's where I get crazy...

You see, when she said, "but" I immediately forgot that she said my gums were better than most and I thought, "Oh man, I have fucked up teeth!" And then, I walked around the rest of the day convinced that I have bad teeth and that I need to take really good care of my teeth so that I can be on par with everyone else around me who, I had now convinced myself, had better teeth than me.

I do this all the time. Another example: A couple of weeks ago I spent an awesome four day weekend in DC with friends. I borrowed a fall coat from Will and wore it most of the weekend as I'd forgotten mine in my truck in Kansas City. Day two, another friend of his came by and said, "I wore that coat last week, it looked better on me." He was mostly kidding and it was a good natured ribbing, but I immediately thought, "shit, he's right. I look stupid. I should change...or lose weight...or put on muscle...maybe I need a haircut??"

I'm not sure where my low self-esteem came from. It's odd, because I'm also arrogant. How you can be arrogant AND have low self-esteem, I'm unsure, but I manage to do it (I also manage to be simultaneously skinny and fat, so I guess I'm just a walking contradiction.)

I've been going to the gym a lot, and am almost back up to my prime in reps and weight. Oddly, however, my body isn't anywhere near when it was at it's prime. While I watch what I eat (I'm at sub 2000 cal a day now), I'm still putting on weight. It's not muscle weight either because my waist is some 2.5 inches wider than when I was at my sexiest. It's kind of annoying...and by "kind of" I mean I obsess about it quite a bit. My friend Will (a different one than the aforementioned) who is in ridiculously good shape (I hugged him the other day and his arms feel like my hip bones in terms of density) said, "You're older now. Either you watch EVERYTHING you eat meticulously or just accept being pudgy." It was one of the BGO's (brief glimpse of the obvious) my old boss referenced.

Lastly, I bought two new pairs of awesome black and gold "kicks". That's what I'm planning on referring to them as since they're both pretty loud, pretty obnoxious high tops. I figure loud and obnoxious high tops aren't done justice with the name "shoes" so "kicks" might just be pretentious enough for them...I'm pretty excited to wear them this weekend.


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