concept of self

I've run into a lot of gays in Tucson who say things like, "There's nothing hotter than a gay guy who you think is straight." I've tried explaining to the kids who say these things that it's very self-loathing to say that straight people are better or sexier to no avail. I've tried to come up with a simile, and only today, watching the news, did I figure it out.

Meagan McCain was on Rachel Maddow's show today and said the following (paraphrase): I'm the only one with the balls to say [O'Donnell]'s crazy.

After that, there was another news show, and this time, it was Sarah Palin calling out the Republican leadership for not supporting Tea Party candidates strongly enough. She said, over and over again, "Man up."

It's not exactly analogous, but I imagine the unnecessary masculinization of the self for women in order to gain respect is similar to gays needing to "straighten up" to be taken seriously. Hopefully a time will come sooner rather than later when being who one is, standing on one's record, and otherwise simply being the best will be enough without having to deny inherent aspects of "self" to be deemed respectable.