passively dissapointed

I came to Tucson to watch the Red River Rivalry today and as I was moving from the bar to a table, the first Oklahoma fan showed up. She seemed a very nice lady and sat at the table next to us. It was clear she was a REAL football fan, not someone who only liked the colors or something else. She was with about ten other women, who were uninterested in football, and ignored them. She ordered a bottle of wine for herself and sat at a table by herself so she could watch the game.

I, however, am a UT fan. We joked, between the two of us, and ribbed one another. She told me her son was here, at the University of Arizona, to audition for school. I asked, "Audition for what?"

This is where things go south. She says to me, with an eye roll, "Dancing." Before I can react, she adds, "He's straight. Not like the other dancers." There's a pause. "I put him in dance as a kid, with his sister, so he'd be a good athlete. But he's a good dancer. He DID play football." She stressed this "football" angle hard, as though it somehow nullified his dancing...as though I cared.

The other women with her, sometime around two, all suddenly up and left. I didn't know why. I asked her as kindly as I could, where all the other women went? She said, "Oh, the audition is over. They're all going to the q and a with the school now." Again, an eye roll, followed by, "My son doesn't even care about football."

She says this, and some time passes. The game ends and her phone rings. She picks it up and rolls her eyes and says something I don't remember. She hangs up the phone and says, "He said he knew the score and that he's done and wants to eat."

The thing is...it was clear, at the last call, that her son was NOT interested in football. He said the score to keep her from telling him the score. He told her, to try to get her to forget about football for a minute...to think about him for a minute...to support him in his dancing. But, she couldn't. She couldn't support his dancing without an eye roll. She couldn't support his dancing without making it clear that dancing was NOT football...was NOT (in her mind) athletic....was NOT manly.

This woman, who I do not know, is very clearly telling her son through her actions, through her words and through her presence, that she does NOT support him. She is so passively disappointed it hurt me. She is, through her actions, telling her son that she does not support him and that he's a disappointment.

I wanted to find him. I wanted to meet him tonight and tell him...it's OK. Who cares if your mom is disappointed? You are a talented person who loves to dance! Pursue it! Be successful, show her what it means to be a dancer. But I can't, and somewhere out there right now is someone who's mom doesn't...didn't...hasn't...won't...give him the support that I got growing up. That a parent's love is unconditional. I wish I could find him...but I can't.