Class is Killin Me...

I'm not as smart as I thought I was. Or, I'm not as smart as the other cadets. I find classes are always either too hard or too easy for me. When they're too easy, I lose interest, but if they're too hard, I give up. That's where I am in my seminar class right now. I'm quickly realizing it's a class I can't BS, so I've already resigned myself to getting a C. I know that's not the best way to go about it, but that's where I am.

I always do this with academics and I don't know why. I could get such good grades if I tried, but I don't...I don't apply myself, then I get grades that reflect my half-assed effort, then I'm dissapointed. Is there a word for that in the english language? When you know that what you're doing is destructive or not good for you, but you do it anyway knowing full well the consequences? Maybe they should call it "Adam" if there isn't a word.