Monday, February 02, 2009

I almost cried tonight...but I didn't. I started watching What Dreams May Come...which is kind of (there's a word I once learned from someone I found incredibly intellectually intimidating which means overly emotional. I can't remember the word, or I'd use it now.)

There are times, ninety-nine percent of them, when I think about my dad and smile and laugh and just think to myself how great he was. Then, there are other times, random times, where I can't help but miss him and feel sorry for myself. Those times are fleeting and I used to be able to just push through them. But here, when they happen, and I think of how much I love him and miss him and...because I'm here, and there's not family, or affection or warmth, the hole where he was seems completely un-fillable. And those times, like now, I can't make the feeling go away.

It's those times I want to be alone, or away or with my sisters and mom. I'm sure everyone has times like that here. But, these times are mine, and it's only me who can feel it or deal with it. So...I do, and I will.


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