choice versus freedom
When I was at West Point, I gave tours to parents while their kids were following cadets around. On my last tour, my godmother was able to visit West Point and take the tour herself. She stood in the back of the group as I razzle-dazzled the prospective, doting parents. I was an odd candidate to give tours because I was more likely to have quite the Academy than to graduate to begin with, so to sell it to others was ironic, to say the least.
At the library bronze panels while giving the last tour, I opened the floor to questions. We had only one thing left to see, the lunch parade, and I had several minutes to kill. One of the parents raised her hand and asked, "You said you weren't sure as a Sophomore if you wanted to stay, but that you eventually chose to stay. In retrospect, are you glad you decided to stay?"
It was a question I had not asked myself yet. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I hadn't. I thought for a moment and a smile broke out across my face. I replied that, yes, in all honesty, I was not only glad I stayed, but that it had been the best decision I'd made in my life.
My friend was asking me about his girlfriend, and if he should stay with her or not, and I used my West Point example above to explain to him that sometimes, when you constantly think of what else COULD be, you're never happy with what IS. I couldn't fully explain what I was thinking, however, and sounded ridiculously like I was telling him to "settle".
Last night, I was out with my old boss, Andrea, and told her I had begun to see someone here in Tucson. I told her that we weren't "dating" because I was leaving Tucson so soon, and she joked that the same thing happened when I was in Austin--that right before I left, I met someone. I said that it's probably not an unrelated phenomenon, and that because I was leaving, my guard is down and I'm more willing to let someone in.
This morning I stumbled upon this article, which examines the disconnect between happiness and choices. I'm going to have to study more, but one of the best quotes, which says what I had tried to articulate to my friend better than I, is:
In essence, the author argues that by limiting our choices, we are actually able to be happier, focusing on what we have, instead of upon what could have been. In my experience, this is definitely true in dating and in life. As I move forward, trying to decide what to do with myself (Law School? State Department? Stay Army?) I am going to try to remember this. While my choices are nearly infinite and have lasting implications, there is no ONE right decision. There are many good fits, and it is simply up to me to choose one, and make the best of that. This self-advice goes for life decisions and relationships.
(Also, if any of you read Andrew Sullivan, you may notice a lot of cross posting. He's my favorite blogger.)
At the library bronze panels while giving the last tour, I opened the floor to questions. We had only one thing left to see, the lunch parade, and I had several minutes to kill. One of the parents raised her hand and asked, "You said you weren't sure as a Sophomore if you wanted to stay, but that you eventually chose to stay. In retrospect, are you glad you decided to stay?"
It was a question I had not asked myself yet. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I hadn't. I thought for a moment and a smile broke out across my face. I replied that, yes, in all honesty, I was not only glad I stayed, but that it had been the best decision I'd made in my life.
My friend was asking me about his girlfriend, and if he should stay with her or not, and I used my West Point example above to explain to him that sometimes, when you constantly think of what else COULD be, you're never happy with what IS. I couldn't fully explain what I was thinking, however, and sounded ridiculously like I was telling him to "settle".
Last night, I was out with my old boss, Andrea, and told her I had begun to see someone here in Tucson. I told her that we weren't "dating" because I was leaving Tucson so soon, and she joked that the same thing happened when I was in Austin--that right before I left, I met someone. I said that it's probably not an unrelated phenomenon, and that because I was leaving, my guard is down and I'm more willing to let someone in.
This morning I stumbled upon this article, which examines the disconnect between happiness and choices. I'm going to have to study more, but one of the best quotes, which says what I had tried to articulate to my friend better than I, is:
we’re encouraged to think relationships are about making the right choice, when actually they’re about making a commitment.
In essence, the author argues that by limiting our choices, we are actually able to be happier, focusing on what we have, instead of upon what could have been. In my experience, this is definitely true in dating and in life. As I move forward, trying to decide what to do with myself (Law School? State Department? Stay Army?) I am going to try to remember this. While my choices are nearly infinite and have lasting implications, there is no ONE right decision. There are many good fits, and it is simply up to me to choose one, and make the best of that. This self-advice goes for life decisions and relationships.
(Also, if any of you read Andrew Sullivan, you may notice a lot of cross posting. He's my favorite blogger.)
posted by Adam at 7:11 AM
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